The Gentleman Downstairs and Other Satanic Parables and Fables

Caved In

A man invited others to visit his cave.

One of the guests entered the cave, looked around, and laughed. He ridiculed the man’s dearth of hunting trophies and quality of cave drawings. He joked about the man’s choice in food and women. This shamed the man who lived in the cave and he brooded for a moment before returning to the group.

“Oh, you’re looking for my hunting trophies?” he asked the offending guest. “And my good cave drawings? Those are deeper in my lair, where they are safe. I save them for special visitors like you. Go, take a look. You’ll not find my lair so easy to ridicule.”

The visitor headed further into the man’s cave. He looked around for the treasures the man said were ahead. The cave got smaller and took the shape of a tunnel. The man came to a fork in the tunnel as the light from the cave entrance behind him faded. The voices of the guests grew faint.

“Which way do I go to see these things you speak of?” hollered the guest.

“Keep going, you’ll find them,” called the man who owned the cave.

The guest kept going until it was dark and he could no longer hear the others. He felt around and then realized he was lost. He began running and realized he no longer had any sense of direction.

Panting, he realized he was never going to leave the cave.



“When in another’s lair, show them respect or do not go there.”

The third rule from Anton LaVey’s ‘The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth’ (1967).

– Blanche Barton, The Secret Life of a Satanist, 284.


Goat’s Head Soup
Poached Yegs